What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
