the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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