I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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