The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
