i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
