My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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