Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
