No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
