hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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