She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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