Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
