My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
