I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
