I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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