I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
