Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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