I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
