I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
did i just pee glitter
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
