After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
