where am i from again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
