you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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