Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
