I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
