He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
