all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think your dad took our porno
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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