Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
