so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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