This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
