oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
