I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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