Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
