she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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