i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
