My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
