Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
