you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
