Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
