I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize