you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
