just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
