wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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