If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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