I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
