Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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