That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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