Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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