Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
