heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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