Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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