I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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