I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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