i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize