it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
