remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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