Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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