Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
