i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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