It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
