I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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