I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
