I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
