So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
