he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize