so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
