Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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