New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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