We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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