Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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