she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize