just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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