Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
